This summer, I took a little break — something I don’t often allow myself to do — and while sitting on a sunny beach in Spain, I read Love Life by Matthew Hussey. I was absolutely glued to it. His wisdom, compassion, and relationship expertise are second to none. But what struck me most was how this book went far beyond traditional dating advice. It’s not a “how to get the guy/girl” book — it’s a guide to coming home to yourself, learning to value your energy, and understanding that the foundation for love begins within. This sparked my next relationship post….Love Life Lessons for Midlife Women.
If you’ve followed me for a while, you’ll know that I am a highlighter queen. I can’t read a personal development book without a pen in hand, marking every line that lands like truth. But highlighting isn’t enough for me — I don’t want to just read something and nod along. I want to live it. I want to integrate the lessons, embody the wisdom, and allow it to change how I show up in my life. Because insight without integration doesn’t change anything.
Relationships have always been my Achilles’ heel. They’ve been the mirror that reflects my deepest fears, insecurities, and childhood patterns — and, thankfully, also my greatest growth opportunities. After a recent breakup, I found myself wanting to do more than just move on. I wanted to understand. To heal. To finally see the gifts and lessons that pain leaves behind when we’re willing to look.
Love Life met me exactly where I was. It reminded me that love isn’t about luck, timing, or being “chosen.” It’s about learning to choose yourself first. It’s about redefining what you accept, reclaiming your worth, and protecting your peace so fiercely that only the right kind of love — the healthy, aligned, intentional kind — can reach you.
What I love most about Matthew’s writing is how deeply it speaks to the heart and the mind. He challenges you, but he does it with so much compassion that you can’t help but feel hopeful again. Hopeful that love isn’t over for you — even in midlife. Hopeful that heartbreak doesn’t mean you’re broken. Hopeful that the best relationship of your life might just begin with the one you build with yourself.
So, as the hot sun hit my skin that Spanish afternoon (covered by a good layer of Green People F30!), I decided not just to read Love Life — but to live it. Below, I’m sharing the lessons that made me pause, reflect, and in many ways, completely rethink how I approach love and connection.
Microdosing Love: Stop Settling for Breadcrumbs
One of the most confronting ideas in Love Life is how many of us “microdose” love. We accept tiny hits of attention, affection, or validation from someone who isn’t truly showing up — because those small doses temporarily ease the ache of loneliness.
It’s an emotional quick fix, but it keeps us stuck. We become so focused on the hope of more that we lose sight of how little we’re actually being given.
This hit me hard. I’ve been there over the last 3 years — staying too long, rationalising, waiting for someone to change, convincing myself that it was a two way dynamic and maybe I was at fault and needed/expected too much from a partner (typical anxious attachment response). I spent so much energy trying to fix, learn, understand, empathise, analyse that I lost a part of myself, can you relate? But I couldn’t let go of hope……those daily texts and check ins gave me some kind of connection, attention, love at a distance.
Matthew reminds us that real love doesn’t confuse you. You don’t have to beg for consistency. You don’t have to explain why you need effort. When you stop microdosing love, you make space for something deeper — the full meal, not the scraps.
Personal insight: The moment I stopped accepting “almost love” and chose myself first, I started to attract peace and my energy levels increased. Loneliness is far easier to sit with than self-betrayal.
Happy Enough: The Art of Wholeness Without Replacement
This phrase — “happy enough” — feels like a mantra for midlife.
When you are happy enough, you don’t need a replacement to say no to the wrong thing. You can walk away from someone who doesn’t align with your peace without panic. You can be content enough in your own life that you don’t need external validation to feel whole.
Happy enough doesn’t mean complacent. It means rooted. It means your life already feels rich and meaningful — so anyone invited in must add to it, not complete it.
From the book: “Happy enough doesn’t need a replacement option in order to say no, because saying no doesn’t leave a void. Life, as it is, is enough.”
In a world that tells women our happiness depends on being chosen, this is revolutionary. When you are happy enough, you stop negotiating your worth. You become magnetic — not because you’re chasing, but because you’re content.
My happy place is being in the sunshine and close to nature and the sea, it’s so important that we know what lights us up so we can connect with ourselves and fill our own cups, regardless of external circumstances.
Core Confidence: Love Yourself as a Verb
Matthew emphasizes moving love from feeling to action. Love isn’t just a noun; it’s a verb. Loving yourself isn’t about fleeting feelings of pride—it’s about doing the work: protecting yourself, nurturing yourself, investing in your growth, and honoring your boundaries every day.
This principle also applies when you’re in a relationship; it isn’t what someone says or how many times they text you a day or check in because perhaps it’s become a habit/obligation. It’s about how they love you……making space for you in their life and arranging nice plans for the weekend, hearing and protecting you when you’re having a tough day, investing time in asking you the right questions to help you solve a problem or coming to you with some ideas about how to rebuild you relationship because you’ve lost track of each other.
“Happy enough” is the mindset that allows you to enjoy life, say no to disrespect, and refuse relationships that don’t serve you—even if you have no replacement lined up. You don’t need a partner to validate your happiness. When you are content with what you have now, you can welcome love as a complement, not a necessity.
Practical exercise: Next time you feel lonely, practice self-compassion. Speak to yourself as a caring friend: “This is hard, and I see you. How can I support you today?” This cultivates resilience and emotional independence.
Pain That Transforms: The Power of Chosen Meaning
Another key takeaway — the pain we choose benefits us; the pain we stay a victim of hurts us.
We don’t always get to choose what breaks us, but we do get to choose what it teaches us.
That shift alone — from “why is this happening to me?” to “what is this showing me?” OR “How is this situation working for me”? — can change everything. Reminding ourselves that we live in a beautiful and friendly universe that always has our backs; gods rejection is gods protection.
After my breakup, I stopped resisting the pain and started working with it. I journaled. I got curious. I began to look for the hidden benefits — resilience, compassion, clarity — and that transformed the story entirely. It released energy for me to focus back in on Neytiri and serve all of you beautiful women, and come back to my purpose and meaning in life.
It also made me very determined to refocus in on my vision for a beautiful relationship and become even more accountable for my part, let’s be honest, the most consistent element of all of our previous relationships is us! It is never one sided, my partner had so many wonderful qualities. Now, it’s time for me to dig deeper and release more of my old childhood patterns and conditioning.
Personal reflection: Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. When I stopped fighting my sadness, I finally freed up energy to see what it was trying to teach me.
Exceptional Relationships Are Built, Not Found
The right person can only be the right person when it’s two people choosing each other. No matter how much you loved someone, if they don’t choose you, it’s not your dream relationship. Matthew reminds us that a real relationship requires bravery, curiosity, and a shared vision.
Knowing if someone chooses you can also be complex to decipher, it doesn’t need to be a straight forward yes/no. It shows up in the day to day interactions you have and how they love you, as well as the time they invest in you. It may be that you see each other twice a week but they won’t commit to living with you or they text you every day but they never make an effort with planning anything nice for the weekend. Only you get to decide what is enough based on your values and needs.
It’s about showing up fully, accepting the other person’s whole self—both the dazzling and messy parts—and having a daily commitment to build something lasting. Compatibility matters more than passion. Are your life goals aligned? Can you work as a team? Do your different goals complement each other or clash irreparably?
Midlife insight: Over the years, you’ve learned what you won’t compromise on. That knowledge is power. The days of getting excited about someone who isn’t equally excited about you are over. Seek builders, not just connections.
Recognizing Red Flags and Protecting Your Energy
Early attraction can be intoxicating—but feelings alone don’t reveal character. True character shows itself over time. Matthew warns against avoiders, narcissists, and microdosing—those half-relationships that distract from real connection.
- Red flags: inconsistent communication, failure to keep promises, unwillingness to apologize, giving attention only when convenient.
- Dangerous traps: “One day wagers,” believing someone will change, staying silent about your needs, or mirroring someone else’s emotional availability.
Protecting yourself means asking the hard questions, asserting your needs, and refusing to settle for less than mutual investment. Your energy and time are precious; invest them where they are valued.
Action tip: Test mutual investment step by step. If you take half a step forward, does your partner meet you halfway? If not, it’s a clear signal.
Reclaim Your Magic After Heartbreak
Breakups hurt, but they also reveal what matters most in life and love. Matthew reminds us that much of what we grieve isn’t just about the other person—it’s about ourselves, the magic we brought to the relationship.
After heartbreak, focus on your own growth, hobbies, friendships, and passions. Picture your confidence as a table supported by multiple legs: family, friends, purpose, achievements, hobbies. When one leg shakes, the table remains sturdy.
Avoid the trap of seeing someone else’s life as a measure of your worth. Instead, saturate your life with the energy, joy, and fulfillment you already create. This not only restores your equilibrium but also makes you magnetic to others who share your values.
Midlife insight: You are no longer chasing validation—you are creating your own magic. And when you do, the right person will recognize it immediately.
This post on 10 signs of a dying relationship my also support your journey: https://neytiri.co.uk/relations/10-signs-of-a-dying-relationship/
Creating Your Own Magic and Writing Your Next Story
Life is unpredictable. People come and go. Careers, cities, relationships—they all change. The only constant you control is the magic you create in your own life.
Matthew teaches that you become the magic in your own world by:
- Cultivating gratitude and joy for what you already have.
- Investing in meaningful experiences and relationships.
- Experimenting, exploring, and remaining curious.
- Releasing the pain, grief, or old patterns that no longer serve you.
Your next love story will be a continuation of the peace, confidence, and joy you’ve built in yourself—not a desperate escape from loneliness or heartbreak.
Action tip: Focus on living fully, intentionally, and joyfully. The more fulfilled you are on your own, the more magnetic and present you’ll be when the right partner appears. And when someone promising does come along, fight the instinct to go all in straight away, tempting as it is. Matthew advices you to actually double down on your own life and joy so that you stay grounded, calm and objective in the new connection, coming across as your best and most authentic self.
Key Takeaways for Midlife Women
Exceptional love is built, not found. Seek mutual effort, shared vision, and daily commitment.
Protect your energy. Invest only where there is reciprocity and respect.
Core confidence is a verb. Love yourself by taking care, setting boundaries, and nurturing your growth.
Heartbreak reveals your magic. Your gifts, empathy, and attention are still yours to give.
Happy enough is freedom. Contentment allows you to say yes to the right things and no to what doesn’t serve you.
Create your own magic. The joy, fulfillment, and love you seek starts with you.
Final thoughts:
Love Life is more than a book about relationships. It’s a book about you. About rediscovering your power, reclaiming your peace, and remembering that your magic — your love, your strength, your joy — was never dependent on anyone else.
Whether you’re healing from heartbreak, navigating midlife transitions, or simply ready to love more deeply (starting with yourself), this book is a must-read.
And if you take one thing away from it, let it be this:
You don’t need to be chosen to be worthy.
You already are.
Handpicked Support for Your Midlife Journey:
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Matthew Hussey:
Matthew Hussey You Tube Channel
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