Understanding the complexity of adult friendships and dealing with loneliness
The Midlife Friendship Drought: Why Making and Keeping Friends in Your 50’s Feels So Hard
Navigating friendships in your 50s can feel like an uphill battle. With careers, family responsibilities, and life’s inevitable changes, making and maintaining meaningful connections often takes a backseat. Unlike the effortless friendships of our younger years, midlife friendships require more effort, vulnerability, and intentionality—yet they are just as essential. Many women find themselves feeling isolated, longing for deeper connections but unsure how to build them, often questioning is it normal to have no friends in your 50’s?
In this blog, we’ll explore why making and keeping friendships in your 50s can be so challenging, the impact of loneliness, and how to cultivate meaningful relationships in this stage of life.
Let’s address the challenges…
Let’s be honest, it’s really hard to admit that we don’t have the close friendship group and “tribe” of like minded women that we long for. In a time when hyper independence, self-resilience and doing it all on our own is over glamorized and seen as strong, it’s even harder to admit we feel isolated and lonely. There tends to be a huge stigma and vulnerability attached to loneliness, even a sense of shame that we don’t belong to a large group of close friends, which can leave you questioning your worth and value……am I not interesting, fun, kind enough?
Last year I lost connections and friendships that I had had for over 10 years and it shook me, even though it was primarily my decision to cut ties. Friendships can provide the greatest joy and companionship but they can also become toxic over time if the right healthy foundations aren’t in place. Longer and deeper friendships can also be more complex, closer to an intimate relationship without the physical intimacy and this is where boundaries can get crossed.
Over the years we often change dramatically as do our lives, jobs, relationships, health and financial well being. This all has a huge impact on our friendships and there are few that will stand the test of time. Sometimes when we set friendships up at different stages of our lives there are hidden terms and sets of behaviours on how we interact and support each other.
Some of those can become toxic, an example would be a very one sided friendship where you are always the support and shoulder to cry on OR your friend unconsciously relies on you to be the one that needs rescuing/saving from your life so they can feel needed and powerful. I will explore this in other posts and share my experiences more deeply.
For now, let’s look into the underlying causes of why making and keeping friends in your 50’s can feel so hard.
1. Life is busier than ever
By the time we reach our 50s, many of us are juggling demanding careers, caring for aging parents, supporting adult children, or even helping with grandchildren. With so many responsibilities pulling us in different directions, friendship often takes a backseat. Unlike our younger years, when friendships formed organically through school, work, or social activities, making time for connection now requires conscious effort—something that often falls to the bottom of our priority list.
2. Friendships Require Effort and Vulnerability
Deep friendships don’t just happen; they require trust, shared experiences, and emotional openness. But by midlife, many women have experienced betrayal, loss, or disappointment in friendships, making them more hesitant to open up to new people. Fear of rejection or feeling like an outsider can prevent us from putting ourselves out there, even when we crave connection.
3. Social Circles Shrink Over Time
Unlike in our 20s and 30s, when we were surrounded by coworkers, parents at school drop-offs, or other social networks, our 50s can bring a natural narrowing of social circles. Kids grow up, careers shift, and old friendships drift apart. If we haven’t actively nurtured new connections along the way, we may find ourselves feeling unexpectedly alone.
4. Different Priorities and Life Stages
In our 50s, friends are often in vastly different life situations—some are retired while others are still working, some are married while others are divorced or widowed, and some are focused on their families while others are exploring newfound independence. These different priorities can make it harder to find common ground or align schedules for meaningful connection. I currently live and work on my own which can be incredibly isolating, I really miss the social interaction and banter you get in an office environment, as well as the friendships you make at work.
5. Technology Can’t Replace Real Connection
Social media creates an illusion of connection, but scrolling through posts and exchanging occasional messages isn’t the same as deep, face-to-face interactions. While technology can be helpful for maintaining long-distance friendships, it often lacks the depth and authenticity that in-person friendships provide, leaving many feeling lonelier than ever.
6. Fear of Reaching Out
There’s often an unspoken fear that reaching out makes us seem needy or desperate. Many women assume others are too busy or already have their social circles set, so they hesitate to take the first step. However, the reality is that many people in their 50s feel the same way—craving connection but unsure how to initiate it. I definitely fit into this camp, I always think my friends are too busy so I leave them be and give them space.
The Link Between Isolation and Loneliness
The difficulty in making and maintaining friendships in your 50s doesn’t just leave you with an empty social calendar—it can have profound effects on your mental and emotional well-being.
When friendships fade and social circles shrink, many women find themselves feeling increasingly isolated. Unlike the occasional solitude that can be refreshing, loneliness is a persistent sense of emotional disconnection. It’s the feeling of being unseen or unheard, even when surrounded by people.
Studies show that loneliness in midlife is more than just an emotional state—it’s a serious health concern. Chronic loneliness can lead to:
- Increased Stress and Anxiety: Without close friends to confide in, stressors can feel overwhelming. Anxiety often increases when there’s no emotional outlet or reassurance from trusted companions.
- Higher Risk of Depression: A lack of meaningful social connections has been linked to higher rates of depression, particularly in women. Friendships provide emotional support, laughter, and perspective—all of which help keep depression at bay.
- Cognitive Decline and Memory Issues: Research suggests that prolonged loneliness can contribute to cognitive decline, increasing the risk of dementia later in life. Social engagement helps keep the brain active and resilient.
- Lowered Self-Esteem and Confidence: When friendships dwindle, self-doubt can creep in. Women may start questioning their likability or worthiness, leading to a vicious cycle of social withdrawal.
- Physical Health Consequences: Loneliness has been compared to smoking 15 cigarettes a day in terms of health impact. It has been linked to increased blood pressure, weakened immune function, and a higher risk of heart disease.
Beyond its effects on mental and physical health, loneliness robs us of life’s small but meaningful joys. Close friendships bring laughter, support, and a sense of belonging. They provide shared experiences, spontaneous adventures, and deep conversations that remind us we’re not alone in our struggles.
Without strong social connections, life can feel routine and uninspiring. There’s no one to celebrate milestones with, no one to offer comfort during hard times, and no one to share the simple pleasures of everyday life. Over time, this lack of connection can lead to a sense of emptiness and disinterest in things that once brought happiness.
Rebuilding Friendships and Combating Loneliness in your 50’s
The good news? It’s never too late to cultivate meaningful friendships and rediscover the joy of connection. While making new friends in midlife requires intentionality, the benefits—improved mental health, greater happiness, and a stronger sense of belonging—are well worth the effort. Here’s how to start:
1. Be Intentional About Making Time for Friendship
Life is busy, but friendships need to be prioritized just like work, family, and self-care. Set aside time to nurture relationships, whether that means scheduling a monthly coffee date, joining a walking group, or simply reaching out to someone new.
2. Get Comfortable Making the First Move
Many women hesitate to reach out because they fear rejection, but most people appreciate being invited. Send a text, invite someone for a casual lunch, or reconnect with an old friend. If someone declines, don’t take it personally—keep reaching out until you find those who are ready to reciprocate.
3. Find Like-Minded Women Through Activities
Friendships naturally form when people share common interests. Consider joining a book club, fitness class, travel group, or local community organization. Volunteering is another great way to meet compassionate, like-minded people while giving back.
4. Embrace Technology for Connection, Not Just Observation
Social media can be a tool for reconnecting with old friends and finding local events, but it’s important to move beyond passive scrolling. Send direct messages, join online groups that align with your interests, or use apps like Meetup and Bumble BFF to find women looking for new friendships.
5. Nurture Existing Friendships
Instead of focusing only on making new friends, invest in strengthening the relationships you already have. Even if you haven’t spoken in a while, a simple “I was thinking about you” text can reignite a connection. Quality matters more than quantity when it comes to meaningful friendships.
6. Be Open to Different Types of Friendships
Friendships in midlife don’t always look like those from our younger years. Instead of seeking a “best friend,” embrace a variety of relationships—work friends, activity-based friends, deep emotional connections, and even casual acquaintances who bring positivity into your life.
7. Overcome the Fear of Vulnerability
Meaningful friendships require emotional openness. Be willing to share your thoughts, struggles, and joys with others. The more authentic you are, the more likely you’ll attract people who genuinely connect with you.
8. Accept That Friendships Change—And That’s Okay
Not all friendships last forever, and that’s natural. Some fade due to life circumstances, while others shift into different dynamics. Instead of mourning what’s lost, focus on cultivating new connections that align with where you are now.
9. Seek Out Supportive Spaces
Women’s groups and wellness retreats can be great places to meet people who value deep, supportive connections. Therapy or life coaching can also help with overcoming social anxiety or self-doubt that may be holding you back.
10. Be the Friend You Wish to Have
Friendships thrive when both people feel valued and appreciated. Be the type of friend you want—kind, supportive, and reliable. Celebrate others’ successes, check in during tough times, and make an effort to show up, even when life gets busy. If you just did one thing today this would be my top tip, as well as being your own best friend! We can only show up for others how we show up for ourselves.
Final Thoughts
Making and keeping friends in your 50s takes effort, but it’s absolutely possible. Friendships are a vital part of a fulfilling, joyful life, and the more you put yourself out there, the more you’ll attract people who genuinely resonate with you. Loneliness doesn’t have to be your reality—meaningful connections are within reach, as long as you’re willing to take the first step.
When you are making new friends share the most authentic, real you and start the friendship as you mean to go on. Be super aware of old friendship patterns that haven’t worked for you in the past and generate new ways of being, creating friends that truly nurture your soul and leave you feeling energised, loved and inspired.
Handpicked Support for Your Midlife Journey:
Some of the links below may be affiliate links in the future. I only ever recommend products and resources I truly believe in.
An absolutely fantastic midlife women’s group I found about a year ago now, London based but now UK wide and turning into a global brand! I would highly recommend joining, it’s a small monthly fee for the huge amount of value and connection you get, events and retreats are also listed on the website.
Noon women’s group for women in midlife
Conclusion: If my future self could have told me…
- Make nurturing friendships a top priority, don’t lose touch with those who add so much joy, support and love to your life, even after you create your own family.
- Friendships will be your family as you get older and your parents are no longer with you, value them like your life depends on it.
- Be the friend you seek, keep all relationships balanced with equal give and take. Be the supporter and the supported, the listener and the talker, the hug and the receiver of a hug.
- Be honest in your friendships, stay away from toxic positivity (your friends that are always amazing and fantastic) and the friends that are in a constant downward spiral. Show up as the full you but also be aware of the impact your life situations have on others around you, share the load!
- Not every friend will be here for the whole journey, that’s ok, it’s not personal and is often down to proximity, timing and lifestage.
- Be open and never judge a book by its cover, have an eclectic group of friends that fulfill different needs
